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Looking back, moving forward

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Jun. 18th, 2013 | 01:42 am
music: AC/DC - High Voltage | Powered by Last.fm

We can recognize the dawn and the decline of love by the uneasiness we feel when alone together.
Jean de la Bruyere


I've been looking back lately. To what seems likes a whole other person; what would seem like a past life. Thinking about what could have been, though I know I'm happier now. It's weird, most of the memories I have of the past are tainted and bleak. Knowing that where my life is at this moment is one of, if not the best, course of action I can take right; Yet I am still left wondering. What am I missing out on? What's going on? What could have happened to that other me?

The more I dwell on it, the more I can say I don't particularly care. Just the fact that my life has been touched, that I shared moments with people that are no longer in my life. It was their choice as much as mine. Be it friends, lovers, or just acquaintances; I've realized that if you really wanted to be around me, you'll make the effort. You'll try, if at all, just to see me.

When you cut someone from your life, you make a decision, be concious or not the die is cast. Its something both parties are responsible for. If you lose someone in your life, but you don't want them to go, make the effort! People are generally easy to talk to and keep in touch with, so why not?

But what if they don't want anything to do with you, you ask. Well, truthfully, all you can do in that case is what I'm doing. Looking back. It's all we can do. And it's all I'm willing to do. I'm slowly but surely compiling a list. A list of the people I know to really, truly care for me. Those that have been, and will be, there for me come Hell or high water.

I can't say that I didn't have fun in the past. There was a time when I did, in fact, want whatever I was doing. It wasimportant. But, as I said earlier, I'm not that guy I was in these memories. That life, and those choices are not something I'd like to relive again. Nor can I say I miss it. What fun I had, has passed. Just so, life moves ever forward. Though It doesn't hurt to look where you've gone.

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